Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
