I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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