Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Terrible idea I love it
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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