I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
