And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
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Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
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I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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