Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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