dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Say something about gay babies.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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