Nicole vs. Life
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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