It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My ass is underappreciated
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
