Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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