His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Barsexuality is the new black.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
