the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
