News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
