My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
