I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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