just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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