During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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