Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
