just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
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