never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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