After last night, I could never be a politician.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
