No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
