I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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