I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
