Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
