Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
