My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
