She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
