When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
