Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
