he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
