We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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