my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
its not stalking. its research.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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