I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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