i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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