she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
