i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
