And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
sex in a hospital.. check
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
