all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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