these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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