ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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