So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
