All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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