is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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