do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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