Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
