Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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