Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
