dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
