...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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