remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
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