he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
