He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
