LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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