I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
This is classic penis vs brain.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
