I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Randomize
