I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
