dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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