Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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