I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
