I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
